Hello Ang Sa

Dear Ang Sa,

This is your mommy. Actually that's the only line your daddy repeats every time he kisses my belly. "Hello Baby, this is Daddy". I think you always fall asleep from boredom from hearing the same lines repeated.

Your daddy is a fine man. His best qualities is his sincerity, genuineness and childlike trust. At his worst, he gets aggressive and confrontational. Usually to other drivers on the road. Occasionally to clients. Your daddy does whatever he makes up his mind to do. He met me at a conference, he liked talking to me and he professed a deep admiration for my ass and boobs. And then he stalked me even when I refused to go out with him. When I did agree to give him a chance, he proposed within 2 months.

One thing you and your daddy share in common is your personality and love for food. You only moved and kicked around when you were hungry. Most of the time you were either sleeping or in a daze. Your dad and I were hyperactive kids. I dont know how you will be once you're able to run around. I just hope you have your dad's charming smile and a curiosity to discover the world while maintaining grace with those around you.

You were at our wedding ceremony. You were just a clump of tissue. It was only after our trip to Mulu to see the caves, that you started making me feel sick at the airport while waiting for our outbound flight home. That week after we got back, I did a urine test with a cheap test kit I purchased in the pharmacy below our office. There were 2 lines on the test kit. But one line was blur. So I didnt really know whether it was positive. But instinctively I knew you were present. I later dragged your daddy to Assunta Hospital that same day. We got a confirmation of your existence at 11pm. I was too tired to go back to get the lab results. So your daddy went and brought back some folic acid and anti vomitting meds. None of which worked. You just made me really sick.

It was into the beginning of the 7th week when we did an ultrasound on you at Assunta Hospital. Your heartbeat was so strong and loud. Like a horse. Your daddy was so proud to hear it. He was grinning from ear to ear like a lil monkey.

It was into the 2nd month that you made me feel even sicker. It became so bad, I had decided secretly to abort you. I had no quality of life and I could not bear throwing up everyday and feeling nauseated every second. Food smelt bad, I could not sleep, I was just wasting away while my friends were out having a good time. I managed to get the contact number of a clinic which performed these quick abortion procedures.

Its almost as if you instinctively knew I wanted to bring your existence to an end. You increased your chances of survival by making  me even more ill. I was so ill I could not drive anywhere. I started throwing up blood. You continued to thrive. Its times like this when I know you take after your daddy. He is a survivor and will do anything to ensure he remains in the game of life.

I was so ill I moved back in with your grandparents in Air Panas. I was off work until I completed by first trimester. You continued to thrive like a stubborn cabbage head. I was anaemic and had to take iron pills which made me constipated every single day. Your daddy and I had conversations involving my bowel motions on a daily basis. He was quite an expert at intestinal motions and loved our discussions. I truly hope you are able to discuss other more intellectual topics.

God has always taken care of you. You were taken care of by a professor of acute neonatal cases at UMMC. I heard of this doctor through your grandmother's friend who was a nurse. When I went to register myself at UMMC for the first check up, I told the registrar I wanted to see this particular professor. From then on, I was only seen by him. I believe this is a promise from God that He will always take care of you.

Your aunty Ruth who is my only blood sister is very excited as she anticipates your arrival. She lives and works in Seattle which is located in a different country from where we are now. I think you will be able to visit her one fine day. She is slightly a bit stingy though. So don't demand too much of comfort and material things while you stay with her. Toughen up and try to live as she does. It will teach you a lot on survival.

Your daddy never really grasped the fact that you would arrive sometime in July. I managed to gather the resources I had a bought most of your clothes and bedding on the last weekend of June. I was told that babies like you would arrive late past your due date (mid July) because you are our firstborn.

At the beginning of my last trimester, I really wanted you out early, because you caused my sugar levels to go berserk. But 3 weeks before your due date, I started to feel really energetic and healthy. Except for the fact that my feet started to swell like an elephant's foot, I was fine. I didnt mind keeping you in longer because loads of people told me that having you in was much better than having you out. I anticipated less sleep once you were born.

You were created by God's timing. We never anticipated your existence. I was very convinced that I was infertile as my period cycles were irregular - the most two months once. Your daddy was convinced he was Hercules. So we made a bet. I lost. And you became you.

I have never been a person who gets attached to things, neither have I been maternal and loved kids. Your daddy loves kids and would be involved in Sunday School activities as a teacher. I am sure your daddy will love you very much. He is so excited as he anticipates your arrival. I feel you turn inside my belly and I know your personality. I don't know how you will look, because you are special. Your daddy and I look worlds apart from each other. He is fair and I am toasted :)

Your daddy is my 1st baby. You are my 2nd baby. You have to help me take care of daddy because daddy is a darling.

I don't know if you will have any siblings because I cannot foresee myself going through what I encountered with you. But your daddy is determined to give you a few siblings. Just help me distract daddy from his mission ok!

I can't wait to see you. I hope that you will always love God and grow up to be gracious to all those around you.

By the way, your grandparents on my side are quite overbearing. Your grandfather loves to preach alot and says the longest prayers at the dinner table. You just have to be patient with him. Your grandmother will not stop giving you instructions on how to live your life. Just bear with her and agree with anything she says. Its always works for me.

Your grandparents on your daddy's side are much easier to deal with. I doubt they will be hands on with you, but I think they will love you very much. Don't disturb your grandmother too much. She gets stressed very fast and its not good for her health. She will try to pump you with all kinds of herbal concoctions and remedies. Just take a sip or two to avoid offending her. She is also a great fan of the Chinese civilisation. Learn from each civilisation, the good and discard the bad. But go slow on the bak kut  teh. Your grandmother loves it.

Your daddy's sister is a doctor. I don't really know her very well. I guess its for you to discover through trial and error by dealing with her. But I think she will make quite a cool aunt. Don't bully her or she might stick a needle up your ass for good measure.

See you soon Ang Sa!

With much love